“We’ll never be able to experience true inner peace if our minds are constantly gripping on the hand bars of the roller coaster of life, trying to anticipate all the falls, twists and turns… Making peace with reality is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves.” ~ Seline Shenoy
Seline Shenoy, aka the Dream Catcher, weaves together a multitude of perspectives, including evolutionary, spiritual and Buddhist ones, for understanding and dealing with compulsions to control, the suffering that can lead to, the art of letting go, and 4 wonderful benefits that arise when you make peace with things you can’t control.
Just reading her post is a transformational journey.
Where do you tend to experience urges to control?
Seline mentions relationship break-ups among other examples. My strongest control compulsions, even if not acted out, have been with break-ups and with holding on, even with endings I may have initiated myself or knew were for the best. This stemmed from codependency and neediness.
Of course, depending on their nature, break-ups can be challenging. There may be grief, old wounds that surface, whatever may have led to or caused the break-up to process, and so on.
Holding on and resisting ‘what is’, in whatever area, can be a form of control and may be being used as a coping-mechanism to avoid or numb whatever unpleasant feelings are there (pain, worthlessness, hurt, fear, shame, regret, guilt, frustration, disappointment… you name it).
For letting go to happen you may need to face the feelings bubbling beneath control. Trying to let go at an intellectual level might not do it. Whatever is causing a struggle with letting go and a desire to control might not disappear just because you consciously realize letting go makes sense.
Facing the feelings beneath control is a path to resolution, healing, transformation, letting go, and opening to receive. Control itself can block that self-intimacy and places your focus outside of you rather than within.
Check out Seline’s wonderful post to help with understanding and relinquishing control and the benefits that come with that.
Endings and beginnings are ever happening on various levels. We’ve just had a powerful new moon solar eclipse that followed a full moon partial eclipse two weeks before. For me personally and many I know, chapters, patterns, phases and cycles, within and without, have been transitioning, ending, and beginning. Obviously don’t need an eclipse for that to happen, any day will do but they are gateways and very symbolic.
Control stems from fear, which can include fear of the unknown. It can pop-up when change is afoot and be a form of resistance. It might not be obvious and can manifest in different ways.
Control can also arise from feelings of entitlement and thinking something should be the way you want it to be. In this sense it can disregard the perspectives, wishes and choices of others, or any bigger picture, attempting to force life/a person/situation to be the way you (or your ego) wants it to be.
Check out Seline’s healing piece for support in this area.