It’s coming up to the Autumn equinox, a time taht symbolizes equilibrium, and also International Peace Day. Equality is a key foundation for peace.
We’ll be looking at peace within. Here we’re addressing give-receive patterns within our beings, lives and relationships.
Visionary writer and soul guide C. Ara Campbell offers an empowering share on the difference between giving and sacrifice, and how to move beyond ‘giving yourself away’ in the unhealthy sense.
* How is your give-receive balance?
* Do you ever find yourself in, or stay in, situations or relationships that are one-sided, unbalanced or non-reciprocal?
* Do you ever notice sacrifice or martyr patterns running?
Those patterns begin and end with you. Ara also points out the old adage, “You teach people how to treat you.” Recognize, take responsibility and forgive yourself (and anyone else).
Check out Ara Campbell’s share for support.
Note: True giving doesn’t need to be reciprocated, nor does it have an expectation of being so (more on that below), plus we may give in different ways and have different gifts and qualities to share with each other, or sometimes be in more of a position to give (of X/Y/X), so giving-receiving exchanges might not be mirror experiences, nor ever need to be, but here we are looking at unhealthy patterns of not receiving, and why those may exist.
So, why is that?
There can be various reasons and hidden agendas as to why you may experience situations where you give in a way that is sacrificial, martyred, or non-reciprocated.
- Firstly, something may not be reciprocated because it is not in your best interests for it to happen – rejection can be universal protection and a nudge in a better direction.
- A lack of self-worth and negative self-beliefs (which may not be conscious, e.g. “I don’t deserve to receive/I’m unloveable/I’m unworthy/I’m not good enough… “)
- Family patterns (did you learn sacrifice or not receiving from a parent? Is receiving unfamiliar?)
- Blocks to receiving (which can include feeling unworthy or undeserving, a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, a disconnect with your feminine side…).
- Control (giving can be used as a form of control, which can include giving to get, which is not true giving).
- Martyrhood and victimhood.
- An attempt to pay off guilt (may not be conscious).
- Trying to ‘save’ someone.
- Ego agendas and feeling ‘better than’ to avoid feeling ‘less than’.
- People-pleasing for approval, validation, or to ‘get’ something.
- Using martyrhood as a means for exonerating your own behaviour.
- Compensations and trying to prove something about yourself (your value/worth/love/loveability/‘good enoughness’).
What’s often not seen or addressed with sacrifice or martyr patterns is the hidden anger beneath, and wanting to blame and punish people through your own suffering, even if that isn’t conscious. Without a hidden agenda you wouldn’t continue making sacrifices for someone who doesn’t appreciate it, for example, especially if they never asked you to do it! Martyrs tend to feel self-righteous and resentful.
So what can you do about it?
C. Ara Campbel shares some great reflections and pointers for breaking free in her post below.
True giving versus sacrifice
True giving feels good and brings a sense of openness, aliveness, and expansion. It doesn’t have expectations. Ultimately, you can only feel slighted by not receiving something back from giving if that giving was conditional in some way or you were giving to get on some level. True giving isn’t laced with demands or hidden agendas.
If your giving is feeling ‘off’ you may want to question it, and whether you are wholehearted about it. Is it true giving? Are you being a martyr/sacrificing yourself/continually giving without receiving? If so you’ll burn out and become exhausted.
Know your worth. Love yourself. Fill yourself up. Allow yourself to receive. If your cup is empty you won’t have anything spilling over to give either.
Consciously open to receive. Make it your intention. Affirm it as a choice. Feel deserving of receiving. Imagine receiving love/nourishment/support/abundance/whatever your heart desires.
Practice receiving in all areas of your life, whether it’s love, compliments, gifts, opportunities, connections, synchronicities, the experience of another, the beauty of nature…
Give yourself permission to receive whatever it is you currently need.
Gratitude and appreciation help with opening to both giving and receiving. When you appreciate something and are grateful for it, you allow it in, you receive it, as well as give to it from your heart; it’s a wonderful exchange of energies.
Giving and receiving are inextricably linked. Each gives birth to the other. Genuine giving opens you to greater receiving and is one of the most joyous experiences in life.
There are many ways you can give. You can give of your love, presence, energy, attention, inspiration, money, gratitude, joy…
Check out C. Ara Campbell’s share for greater awareness around potentially unhealthy/untrue giving patterns: www.globalloveproject.com/2017/08/giving-awareness