Ever been in a co-dependent relationship or situation in your life in any area?
And/or ever had challenges with boundaries?
Rusha explores some of the dynamics that can exist with co-dependency and its “root vibration of powerlessness” against a backdrop of the relationship you have with yourself, the inner masculine and feminine, and possible family patterns around that as examples (of which there are as many variations as people. Rusha explores one ‘type’ for reference).
The Spring Equinox coming up (March 20) is a gateway time of ‘in-between’ and balancing, so reflections on balance in any area feel fitting.
What does the concept of healthy boundaries mean for you?
How are you with respecting boundaries – your own or others?
Unconditional love has nothing to do with unconditional boundaries.
Whether someone is disregarding, disrespecting or violating another’s boundaries (or attempting to), or on the other end allowing someone to/being in sacrifice/saying yes when they mean no, a perceived need is being attempted to be met externally (or not taken away).
That need could be for anything… love, attention, approval, validation, belonging, a certain quality or experience, and so on.
On either end of this spectrum, there can be a lack of sense of self, identity and worthiness.
A lack of connection with self and love within can lead to seeking and attaching to something externally as a source for that, and for anything you feel empty of within, which can lead to addictions also.
A ‘take and sacrifice’ dynamic as opposed to a ‘give and receive’ one can be worth reflection with regards to boundaries. Rusha shares about this in her post referencing the difference between sacrificing our power versus feeding off the power of others in co-dependent situations.
Check it out >> www.globalloveproject.com/2018/03/co-dependency
Minor more common levels on the ‘taking’ end of the spectrum might include feelings of neediness or dependency, or of a different (yet sometimes related) nature, feeling entitled to something.
Extremes could include trying to manipulate, control or force something on or from someone, to extents of pushiness, harassment or violation.
Personality disorders such as narcissism (as mentioned in Rusha’s post) and sociopathy may lack or have no empathy, feel entitled, see others as supply for needs being met, and so on. The term ‘personality disorder’, and labels in general, can be confining, and there are as many personality variations as people, so allow openness with regards to definitions. Further more no one ‘is’ their personality. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, whatever that entails.
On the other end of the spectrum there can be patterns of sacrifice and disrespecting one’s own boundaries. Fear, guilt, shame, feelings of obligation, a lack of self-worth, self-doubt, being a martyr, feeling overly responsible for another (or making another overly responsible for you), trying to rescue or save someone, giving to get, and so on, can connect with sacrifice patterns.
Perhaps you’ve experienced or witnessed minor to more extreme levels of sacrifice within yourself or another. That could include agreeing to something because you don’t want to ‘rock the boat’, putting your needs or preferences below another’s, people-pleasing, and so on.
The difference between giving, helping and serving, versus sacrificing and being a martyr, can be found in how the experience feels, how you feel, and the intention behind doing something. How you feel after doing something can also serve as a confirming gage. If you have done something out of sacrifice you may feel a constricting emotion after, such as resentment, shame, frustration, annoyance, anger or irritation, as examples.
Rusha’s post sheds light on feelings of worthlessness in relation to co-dependency in relationships, and includes 3 tips for empowerment and setting healthy boundaries.
There can be differing levels and roots with co-dependency. It’s not cut-and-dry. Rusha points out some examples, mentioning empaths being at one end of the co-dependency spectrum and narcissists on the other. Narcissists, and borderlines also, may be co-dependent because of an attempt to create enmeshment as part of feeding off another.
Beneath dependency of any kind, as with addiction, there can be shame, pain, denial, a desire to numb, avoid or fill a void. Don’t shame yourself by judging yourself wherever you are currently at on any spectrum of anything!
Every part of you will exist for some reason.
Bring compassion and understanding to the All of you.
Enjoy some insightful inspiration from Rusha on this subject >> www.globalloveproject.com/2018/03/co-dependency